Friday Confessional & Forum: Pregnancy edition

I confess that my husband and I spent nearly an hour this morning watching Veggie Tales videos on YouTube. Oh, and our toddler watched with us. All because I woke up with this song stuck in my head, thanks to the monkey books my son loves and weird pregnancy dreams:


I confess that rather than having reached that "done" point of pregnancy, I'm kind of freaking out the other way. I have a HUGE project list that I want to finish before this little one comes and it's starting to stress me out that it won't happen. Just not enough for me to really kick it into gear and get working on the list. :)

I confess that I always (you know, the twice that I've been through it) have a hard time dealing with the transition that is labor and delivery: the transition from being pregnant to actually living with the baby that I've been planning for so long. I'm happy at point A (being pregnant) and I'm excited for point C (having a new baby... and a toddler) but the point B part (labor and delivery) is hard for me to wrap my want-to-plan head around... so many variables!

I confess that I am a big wimp. I had an epidural with my son, and I'm considering doing this delivery drug-free, but I'm afraid that I'm too much of a wimp. (Not that an epidural in any way makes you a wimp. I just am a wimp who also had and loved my epidural :)

I confess that the thing that makes me feel wimpy is just two little words: back labor. I had no problem with the regular contractions with my son, but I had HARD contractions through my back that just made me want to stab someone in the eye. Repeatedly. So, back to the wimp thing: I'm afraid I'm too wimpy to work through those contractions in my back to do the drug-free delivery. But I'm not really committed either way yet.

I confess that I want to hear your birth stories! (This is the forum part :)

Now, I don't need ALL the nitty gritty details (because I'm trying to reduce some anxiety here instead of add to it...) The cliff notes version will suffice. Induced? Natural? Epidural? Best thing? Worst thing? 

I have 5-ish weeks to either toughen up and decide I'm going drug free or just embrace the fact that I like to avoid pain (and also that thanks to the epidural, I slept through most of my last labor...) So lend me your two cents, especially any insight you have about second and beyond labor and delivery (are they really shorter?), back labor, pain management, etc...please?

Friday Forum: How to talk to pregnant women

This is not me... photo credit

With only 6 weeks (hopefully) remaining in this my second pregnancy, it has come to my attention that some members of society are painfully unaware of how to speak to a pregnant woman. Without leaving her in angry tears.

I'm not sure why this is such a problem -- it's really not difficult. Speaking politely to a pregnant woman is no more difficult than speaking politely to anyone. And it's much easier than getting a telemarketer off the phone or talking your way out of a speeding ticket.

So, here are my rules for talking to pregnant women. Keep in mind that these rules are in general for speaking to unfamiliar pregnant women: strangers that you see on the bus or around town, women with whom you have a polite intermittent relationship (like the checker at the grocery store), or casual acquaintances with whom you share social niceties about the weather and such.

The pregnant women that you are more familiar with and/or related to may have a completely different set of rules. They may also be more prone to cry because you should know better than to say that me! {sob} 

Rule #1 | Treat a pregnant woman more kindly than you would an average woman (or man). Remember, pregnant women are normal women -- just more hormonally precarious, with more unpredictable mood swings and fuller tear ducts. And longer memories and grudges for the people who make them feel bad. Choose your words carefully.

Rule #2 | If/When you start the phrase, "You look _______," be very VERY certain that the word you use to fill in the blank can in no way, shape, or form mean anything potentially unkind/rude/fat. In general, any direct synonym to amazing or phenomenal is acceptable. Unacceptable words include huge, bloated, exhausted, and "done" -- and any synonyms.

Addendum #2a | "How are you feeling?" is an acceptably polite question... except when you can clearly see from the look on her face that an honest answer would be miserable. In that case, just don't ask. Revert back to Rule 2: "You look fabulous!"

Rule #3 | Make no references to twins, an elephant's gestation, or any planet in the our solar system or another. Ever.

Rule #4 | Keep your hands and opinions on pregnancy/child rearing/discipline/the female anatomy to yourself, unless one or the other is specifically invited and welcome.

Addendum #4.a | Don't volunteer your stories of conception/pregnancy/labor/delivery/post-partum unless that conversation is initiated by the mom-to-be. Remember, you are a stranger or, at most, a polite acquaintance.

Rule #5 | If a body part is not visible when clothed (in normal clothes, not celebrity clothes), it shall not be brought up during the conversation. Always included in this rule are the cervix, uterus, and mammary glands.

For a few more specific examples of what not to say, you can read my friend Brittany's story here. And then never go to Wells Fargo again as a show of solidarity for a pregnant sister.

So, to the forum: What rules would you add for talking to pregnant women -- strangers, friends, or whatever acquaintance? And you know you've got stories to share... ;)

Friday Forum: Family Proximity

We used to live away from our families (about 2 hours). Now we live back in the town that both my husband and I grew up in -- and in very close proximity to our families. I have loved both experiences, but today I wanted to share my reasons for loving living close, and hear from you the things you love about your proximity to family.

Note: Let's keep this a positive forum. Think of this as a Thankful Thursday in disguise -- there are always positives to every situation, even if the most prominent aspects are less than positive. So, think happy thoughts about your location and the benefits of your family being in that location right now -- happy thoughts about you and your in-laws and the whole family shebang. :)

Here are the top 3 things I love about being close to family:

Always having a babysitter. Yup, this is definitely number one... is that so terrible? :) Between having both grandmas (and grandpas) and two single aunts, plus another aunt and cousins, in town, my son has never had a non-family babysitter. I'm not opposed to taking it outside the family... but family is free and awesome and there's always someone available! I'm so spoiled :)

Developing relationships. See, I'm not completely terrible and selfish when it comes to family. :) We spent the first 2.5 years of our marriage at college about 2 hours away from our hometown, which was so very good for our fledgling marriage and developing our husband-wife relationship, but the distance didn't do much for other extended family relationships. Being close makes it so much easier to further relationships because you can get in both more time together and have more personal experiences together -- a nice meeting of both quantity and quality.

In the 2 years since we've lived close, my relationship with both my family and my in-laws has grown leaps and bounds... and I love it! Plus, my son (and impending daughter) have a great natural environment for developing close relationships with grandparents and cousins because...

Everyone comes to visit the parents! And we benefit because that means we get to see them too, without having to make a long drive. Especially in my large family (8 kids), we tend to congregate at my parents' house several times a year. We used to have to make shorter trips and sometimes miss the get-togethers, but now that we live close, we are in on all the family action!

Oh, and one runner-up: the can I borrow that? benefit. We have been doing yardwork and car maintenance and between our dads, they've got everything we need. :) Our moms are also great for my crafty borrowing -- thread and patterns and all that.

So, now you tell me... what do you love most about your current family proximity situation? (and is that the most awkward way to word that question or what? :)

Friday Forum: Flying and restrictions and what??

Hooray! Blogger is back! And hopefully the two posts that were taken down in its absence will also be returning shortly...

Thank you so much for your responses last Friday for our first Friday Forum. This is fun and I will definitely keep using your expertise! (If you have a question you'd like to ask the forum, drop me a line via comment or email.)

Eventually my questions won't be about traveling (promise), but our impending trip is kind of starting to stress me out because I never fly, and the last time I flew, I could take pretty much anything short of an actual weapon. Now... I don't know what I can and can't take, and what papers I need to make sure I have. Help!?!
 

Liquids on the plane? In a carry-on vs. checked baggage? Birth certificates? Social Security cards? What do I need? What CAN I take? (We're flying domestically, just from Salt Lake to San Antonio.)

Thanks in advance for all your sage wisdom :)

Friday Forum: Traveling... pregnant and with a toddler

You all are very smart. You know stuff that I don't... and probably LOTS that I don't. So, I've decided to take advantage of your smartness and start asking questions. One of my favorite blogs, Bloom, does a regular Friday Forum -- a place to talk about how you do this or that in life and get tips from other people who are smarter and more experienced than you. I love it and so I'm, er, borrowing, the idea... name and all :) If you have any questions you'd love to ask of others about anything life-related... leave it in the comments or shoot me an email. :)

Today's question is actually a couple of questions... wrapped in a scenario.

image source

Scenario: We have a family trip planned to go see our friends in Texas. We are very excited and also a little nervous about the flight and trip -- I will be 30 weeks pregnant at the time and we'll be traveling with our 21-month-old little boy. The flight is only about 3 hours, and we'll be there for 8 days. 

So the question: What tips or tricks do you have for vacationing and flying with a toddler? Pregnant?

My little Pudge is pretty resilient and mellow, so I'm not super worried about the vacationing part. So long as he gets his sleep with his special blanket and plenty of milk to drink, life is good. :)

What worries me is the flight. We fly out at around 10 AM, so we're flying into naptime and hoping that, with the help of a blanket and pacifier, he'll sleep or at least rest and be calm. (Yes, my almost-2-year old still uses his pacifier for naps and I have no intention of taking it away soon!) We're hoping for the same on our evening flight back. He's flying as an unticketed toddler, so he'll be on our laps.

In case the napping doesn't happen, we do have some backups:

• 20 episodes of kids shows on the iPod
• books, books, books!
• plenty of snacks... for him AND me :)
• and a quiet book I will make before then

So... what else do I need to know about traveling and vacationing with a toddler and while pregnant? My husband is traveling with us, so we'll have two of us to keep the little one entertained and (hopefully) happy. But we are both clueless, having not been on a plane in 5+ years (new travel restrictions? what can I carry on? what do I have to check? we're flying Delta...) and never having flown with a kid...